I guess I'll begin by telling you about myself. My name is Scarlett Avalyn K. I'm fifteen years old and a high school sophomore. I live with my parents and two of my siblings - Rebecca who's seventeen(a junior in high school) and my younger brother Tyler who's thirteen(seventh grade). I also have two siblings who are out of the house. My older sister Carolina is nineteen and is a sophomore in college, and my older brother John is twenty-two and currently serving in Afghanistan right now. I miss him a lot, and it's been pretty rough without him. We're very close, so it's been hard not to have him around. Especially right now.
I have two best friends that I am extremely close to named Madison and Lauren. I can always count on them for everything, and they're pretty much my other halves(or thirds, I guess?).
Another very big thing in my life - About a week ago, I found out that I'm pregnant. This week of my life has been the hardest and longest week of my life. I have my very first doctors appointment tomorrow, and I'm five weeks. When I told my parents, they were very supportive and said that they would support me in anything I chose.
After a night of no sleep and A LOT of thinking, I decided to have an abortion. But this morning, when I was sitting there in that room waiting... I just could not go through with it. I kept thinking about how much I'd probably regret later and how I wouldn't feel proud of myself for not owning up to my mistake.
So I guess now I'm left with two choices - have the baby and raise it, or give it up for adoption.
I'm struggling so much with this choice, and I really wish I could talk to someone who understood. I wish I could talk to John. I mean, my friends and family are a lot of help but they can't make the choice for me, and they don't know what exactly it's like to be pregnant at fifteen with so much life ahead of you. I'm just really lost inside my own mind right now.
I guess I'll also explain my blog title - Scarlett's Dawn. Obviously Scarlett is my name. But Dawn - the sunrise - is something I'm identifying with. It happens every day, regardless of anyone's circumstances. It's unstoppable. Even on cloudy days, it's beautiful. No matter if you're on the beach or in the middle of a busy city, if you look hard enough, you can see it's beauty. Life is like that. It happens no matter what you do. There is always beauty in it. I'm trying to look at everything with that perspective - and though it's incredibly hard to do so, I think I can do it if I just look hard enough.
I just want you to know that I *was* pregnant at 15. No matter what you choose to do, you CAN do it. It's not easy, in fact it's really really hard, but your life goes on. Through tough times and heartache, life goes on. When your world stops, even briefly, life goes on. You're in my prayers, and remember Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."
ReplyDeleteIf you ever want to talk, I'm more than willing to chat with you.
-Britt
irock_kthanks@live.com
I just came across your blog from your post to another young lady who is pregnant at 17 and asking opinions on her baby's name on Babycenter. I just want to encourage you to keep your head up and stay in school - you can still have a wonderful life. I got pregnant at 16 - my Dad is a minister and I had TONS of people telling me my life was over and I wasn't going to amount to much. I chose to stay in school, went to college, got a Masters Degree, and now I make a 6 figure salary, have a wonderful husband, bought a house, just had a 2nd baby (the 1st is 15 now), drive nice cars, and all around have a wonderful life - just saying all that to say you can do the same. I have a cousin who had a baby around the same time and she is on her 4th baby - all different fathers, never finished school, and is pretty miserable - try not to go down that road (obviously). The statistics say that most teenage moms are pregnant again within a year. I don't know you, but I'm praying for you, and as I always tell my son, make good choices. Have a great night. :-)
ReplyDeleteI found your blog off Babycenter (in the Christian mamma's board) and just wanted to say how brave I think you are for choosing life for your baby! It is a choice you will never regret! I like what triix had to say to you, your life isn't over and God still has big plans for your life, you just have to make good choices for you and for baby! I've know people who have chosen both paths(keeping baby and adoption) who have very successful and happy lives. And one of the ones who picked adoption for her baby even has an open adoption where she gets updates and gets to see her baby grow up and know she made a good choice for him. The other who kept her son, had it hard for a while, but stayed in school and went to college and has a life very similar to triix except she hasn't had any other children. Whatever you decide will be great! I know several families who would love to adopt if you decide to go down that road!
ReplyDeleteI found you through baby center also, on the 8/11 birth board. I want to tell you that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for choosing life for your child, and I'm proud of you for being able to put your thoughts into words and being able to think like an adult about this situation.
ReplyDeleteHaving a child is not easy. Granted, I'm 22 and not 15, but it still isn't easy. I don't want you to think that you "Can't" do it, because I believe that anyone with a good support system can parent, but if you ultimately decide to give the baby up for adoption, that is your decision. I am always here, and you can always message me on babycenter if you need to talk to someone. My sn there is Mszamazingg